Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize