My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
