So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
