Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
