I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just pee around me
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
