if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
