I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
