Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
