it was like his penis was on wheels.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are two peas in an std pod
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can't turn off my feet"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
