you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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