i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
