i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
