i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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