Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
