I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
