Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
