I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
