I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I party with great urgency now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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