I CAN MOONWALK!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
