I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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