Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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