Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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