But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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