he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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