he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The uberlube is also flammable
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
