i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize