My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
