His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
