Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
