I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize