Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize