doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
