It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize