I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
