Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
