sarcasm needs its own font
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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