I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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