Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
