She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
