I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
