You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
