i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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