He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
