Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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