the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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