i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
