I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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