I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
