its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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