He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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