PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
