He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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