my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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