i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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