The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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