At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize