She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize