lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
