I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
