why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
