all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
