it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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