it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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