I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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