I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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