Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
