Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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